LA weekly有个婚恋专栏名字叫savage Love。专栏作者Dan Savage的语言自由轻松。读者的每封来信都可以成为一集sitcom。咖啡应该多点straight talk。
My husband and I were married in a beautiful ceremony a few weeks ago. He's a transman, and while neither of us hides in any closets, it hadn't occurred to us to specifically tell my parents that he's trans—he lives his life as the man that he is. One of my mother's sisters, however, loves starting drama. She did a bit of online digging and found out that he's trans, and she started informing family members. Now we're facing family holidays with the knowledge that she may make a scene. How do we deal with this situation? There's simply not much chance that we can get my parents alone to discuss it before the holidays.
Female Takes Male
…………………………
Your aunt can use your husband's status as a transman as a club—a beat-you-with club, not a golf-and-cocktails club—only as long as you're not being fully truthful about it, which is sometimes referred to as being "closeted." Your only choice now is to get out in front of this, FTM. Tell your parents, tell your extended family—tell them now (perhaps in a letter), tell them why you didn't tell them then (not relevant, none of their business), and tell them why you're telling them now (aunt so-and-so is a ripe, royal cunt).
- posted on 11/30/2008
another one:
I'm an American man but I'm writing from Canada, where my husband and I live. Please remind everyone that even though defeating Prop 8 is vital, getting rid of the federal "Defense of Marriage Act" is equally important. My hubby cannot live in the USA with me until DOMA is repealed no matter what happens in California. Many people don't get that state and federal marriage laws are two different things.
Okay, here's our pressing question: What is the proper threesome etiquette once the good times are over? What do you do with your third? I say we should roll over and make room in the bed, while my husband thinks we should (nicely) toss the guy out. What say you?
Married And Gay In Canada
I'm with your partner, MAGIC, unless...
If it's pissing rain outside or freezing cold, or if you live in a neighborhood that's unsafe to stroll through alone at 4:00 a.m., or if your third ditched his friends—and his ride—to come home with you, MAGIC, offer to let your third stay the night. But no third worth inviting back will accept, of course, because a good third knows to say thanks and get out—or eat it and beat it—so that his hosts can decompress, check in with each other, and resume the open, flagrant, unselfconscious farting that characterizes all long-term relationships. - posted on 11/30/2008
现在加拿大税局高兴了,全世界的同性恋们都到那儿交54块登记费。嘿,别小看这收入,盖个章就能收54块!给加拿大贪官拿去私了,我们也没意见! 谁叫你加州给钱不要。加州政府不是整天叫穷吗?这么多“开源”挣钱的办法。加拿大收54块,你就是收个540块,我看他们也乐意。一万对人结婚,再有一万对人离婚,加上诉讼、律师教堂婚礼、婚宴招待,该创造多少就业啊!
On December 3, 2002, Savage announced in an article that he had purchased columnist Ann Landers' desk; she had died earlier in the year (on June 22). Savage has facetiously referred to Landers as his "college roommate" and said "I like to think of myself as a gay Ann Landers."
Family and marriage
Savage's home state of Washington allows gays to adopt, but does not legally recognize gay marriage. In March 2004, Savage engaged in an action intended to push forward gay marriage in Washington; after his co-worker Amy Jenniges was denied a license to marry her girlfriend Sonia, Jenniges and Savage obtained a license to marry one another. He wrote at the time, "We emphasized to the clerk and her manager that Amy and I don't live together, we don't love each other, we don't plan to have kids together, and we're going to go on living and sleeping with our same-sex partners after we get married. So could we still get a marriage license?" According to Savage, the license-department manager replied, "Sure. If you've got $54, you can have a marriage license."
Savage and his partner (since 1994) Terry have one adopted son, and were married in Canada in 2005 - Re: Savage Loveposted on 11/30/2008
Jesus is holding Dan Savage. His last name really IS savage.
- posted on 11/30/2008
on prop 8
^^^^^
I have to say I'm disappointed.
Proposition 8 passed in California, as did anti-gay-marriage amendments in Florida and Arizona. Decency and compassion suffered a horrible blow, and I was hoping to hear a few words from you about it. Some inspiration before I took off from work to go and protest the Mormon Church. Maybe you had your column written already, but couldn't you have pulled an all-nighter in order to write something more relevant?
A Loyal Reader
Sorry, ALR, but due to the vagaries of the dead-tree media, I file these columns roughly a week in advance. (Please note: At my house, "filing a column" doubles as a euphemism for taking a crap. Make of that what you will.)
But here's my election-night reax, a week late, for what it's worth: I voted for Obama, gave money to Obama, and cried when CNN called it for Obama. But the approval of the Mormon-bankrolled anti-gay-marriage amendment in California quickly snuffed my Obama buzz. I had expected anti-gay-marriage amendments in Arizona and Florida to pass, of course, but voters in California—particularly those who voted for Obama, against the rights of same-sex couples, and for the rights of farm animals—came close to ruining election night for me.
But let's look on the bright side of the anti-gay-marriage amendments, shall we? The openly Republican governor of Florida, Charlie Crist—who got engaged to a real live girl when he was in the running to be McCain's VP—won't have to marry a real live girl now. Because it's illegal for gays to get married now in Florida—right, Charlie? And even in California there's a little good news: Voters approved this year's anti-gay-marriage amendment by much smaller margins (52 to 48) than they approved an anti-gay-marriage law back in 2000 (61 to 38). So... uh... we're winning, even as we're losing.
Or something.
But now, to honor Barack Obama's historic victory, I will answer questions that were e-mailed by readers on election night. While you were obsessing about election returns, there were people out there writing to me about...
I am a completely straight guy. I am madly in love with my girlfriend. One night, she was giving me oral and stuck a finger in my ass. I was uncomfortable at first, but in a little time I began to like it. I found it felt so good. Now my girlfriend asked if I wanted to try a butt plug. At first I said, "Yes!" But now, the more I think about it, I am starting to think it may be gay. My question: Is there something gay about using a butt plug?
Guy With Anal Interests
I've dedicated my life to reassuring panicky straight boys that a little anal stimulation won't make 'em gay. My oft-stated position: If a guy and a girl are doing it during sex—whatever it is, whatever it looks like—it's straight sex. And, yes, that includes a pair of straight girls making out to turn on a straight boy, as well as the far less common straight-boys-making-out-to-turn-on-a-straight-girl scenario.
But no more. From now on, I intend to sow gay panic when and where I can. Maybe straight men, who voted in overwhelming numbers for the various antigay shit on their ballots, won't be so quick to strip gay people of their civil rights if they're worried that one false move—or one finger up the butt—can turn them gay. So for the record, breeder boys: A finger in the butt can make you gay, using a butt plug can make you gay, doing it doggy style can make you gay, playing with your nipples can make you gay, fucking a woman in the ass can make you gay, wiping from front to back can make you gay, standing up to pee can make you gay, and watching dudes hump dudes on ESPN—Ultimate Fighting Championship—for sure makes you gay.
I hope you can help. My boyfriend gets home from Afghanistan next week, and I want to surprise him with anal. I can't find anything online about preparing for it. I don't want to be messy. It's always clean in porn videos. Please advise.
Desperate
Careful there, Desperate, I'd hate to see your boyfriend turn gay. But if you want to risk it, get your hands on a copy of Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. But don't blame me if he wants to gay marry you afterward.
I'm a 21-year-old bi guy, and I was recently hanging out at my university's Queer Collective when the issue of the "F" word came up. I argued that it was okay to use the word so long as it's not derogatory. The lesbians, however, thought that it was disgusting slang, almost like using the "N" word to describe black people. What do I do, Dan? Is the "F" word off limits?
Flabbergasted About Glossary
The "F" word should only be used to describe voters in California, Florida, and Arizona who cast ballots for Obama and their state's anti-gay-marriage amendments. We are talking about the word "fuckers," right?
I have a question of a more medical nature for you. My husband and I have been married four months, both virgins at the time of marriage. We have sex three or four times a week and always use lube. The problem is that sex is very painful for me. On my back or from behind is uncomfortable, but tolerable. Me on top is unbearable. My husband is aware of and sensitive to this issue. He makes sure I'm relaxed and will change positions or stop when I ask. Will it get any better? I want to have sex without any hesitation.
Painful Intercourse Needs To Stop
Here's an idea that might help, PINTS: Have more sex but less vaginal intercourse. Get some oral-sex sessions into the mix, along with some mutual-masturbation sessions; in other words, sex you can have without hesitation right now. Then go see a doc to make sure there isn't a medical issue here. If there isn't, slowly work vaginal intercourse back into the mix, experimenting with new positions and lubricants, without eliminating oral and mutual masturbation as stand-alone sex acts you can enjoy with the husband and sex acts you can transition to when vaginal intercourse isn't working for you.
I'm a straight white boy of 25 who is very excited about Obama's victory and the landslide in Congress. Proposition 8 is still undecided, though, while they count votes. I wanted you to know that I'm rooting for you, my uncle, his partner—his husband, actually, as of last week—and every gay man and woman in California.
Stephen
Thanks for the note, Stephen, but Proposition 8 was decided by the time I got it. My condolences to your uncle and his husband.
mail@savagelove.net - Re: Savage Loveposted on 09/22/2009
ti - posted on 09/25/2009
刚说到Savage, 今天法国媒体20minutes驻洛杉矶的记者Philippe 就来告诉他前几天interview了savage。Philippe是个笔头很快的记者,英文也很棒,他今后会来咖啡帖他发的法文新闻。
.......
http://www.20minutes.fr/article/350041/Culture-Hump-Festival-Retrouver-l-esprit-des-70s-ou-l-on-allait-voir-un-porno-au-cinema.php
INTERVIEW - Dan Savage, célèbre sex columnist américain, organise avec le magazine «The Stranger» l'un des plus grand festival porno amateur des Etats-Unis...
De notre correspondant à Los Angeles
Les 9 et 10 octobre prochains, le Hump! Festival débarque à Seattle. Depuis cinq ans, Dan Savage et le magazine alternatif The Stranger organisent ce rendez-vous incontournable du porno amateur américain. Le principe est simple: des courts métrages de cinq minutes maximum, dont chaque copie est détruite après projection. Entretien avec Dan Savage, qui tient depuis plus de quinze ans une colonne de conseils sexuels, Savage Love, et collabore régulièrement à l'émission du comique Bill Maher.
Combien de films sont en compétition? Y a-t-il une tendance qui se dégage?
Nous avons une centaine de courts métrages. Nous ne les avons pas encore regardés. Mais les années précédentes, un incontournable était le pegging (une femme pénétrant un homme avec un gode-ceinture, ndr). Beaucoup de filles en compétition veulent prendre leur revanche sur le porno commercial, où c'est le plus souvent la femme qui est «utilisée».
Comment est née l'idée du festival?
Il y a sept ans, avec l'explosion d'Internet, grace à qui n'importe qui peut se lancer dans le porno avec une webcam, nous avons voulu donner une tribune à ce genre, tout en mettant au défi les participants d'aller plus loin que le simple gonzo (porno totalement dépourvu de scénario, ndr). Il nous a fallu deux ans pour convaincre tout le monde que l'idée n'était pas folle. Depuis, chaque année amène davantage de participants, et nous sommes toujours complets pour les projections publiques. L'idée est de retrouver l'atmosphère des 70s, où l'on allait au cinéma voir un porno. Le fait de détruire les copies après la projection offre une protection: pas de risque que votre film vienne vous hanter des années plus tard. Aussi, nous avons vraiment des participants de tous horizons. Certains sont là juste sur un coup de tête, pour tester leurs limites.
En cinq ans, quel film vous a le plus marqué?
Beaucoup jouent sur l'humour, qui est totalement absent du porno commercial. C'est un peu comme dans un vrai couple: quelque chose d'inattendu arrive en plein milieu du sexe. On roule sur le côté, on rigole un coup et on repart. L'an dernier, nous avons eu un zombie-porno, mais mon préféré était «Edge» un porno gay sur un homme qui essayait de se retenir le plus longtemps possible. Et à chaque fois qu'il approchait de l'orgasme, on switchait sur des images de discours de George Bush et d'autres politiciens. La plus grosse claque fut un court-métrage hardcore, avec deux lesbiennes BDSM (bondage /sado-masochisme). Après la projection, tout le monde a eu besoin d'au moins cinq minutes pour reprendre ses esprits. Je ne savais pas qu'on pouvait faire subir ça à un vagin.
Les Etats-Unis sont considérés comme moralement plus prudes que l'Europe. Est-ce un challenge d'organiser un tel festival? Sur le site, vous encouragez les participants à porter «des sous-vêtements mormons» pour obtenir un bonus. Vous n'avez jamais de plaintes ou de menaces?
Croyez-le ou pas... non. Les Etats-Unis ne sont heureusement pas que la Bible Belt. Notre problème vient du fait qu'on n'a que deux partis politiques: l'un à la solde des évangélistes ultra-conservateurs, et l'autre qui a peur du premier. Heureusement, il y a des coins très libérés comme à Seattle où l'on peut encore assumer que le porno est une forme artistique. Quant aux mormons et autres religieux, on ne les intéresse pas. Ils savent qu'ils n'ont aucune chance de nous convertir. Ils préfèrent nous ignorer.
Propos recueillis par Philippe Berry - RE: Savage Loveposted on 12/24/2016
Reply #6 mayati
Please paste HTML code and press Enter.
(c) 2010 Maya Chilam Foundation